Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
