The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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