It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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