yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
