I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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