I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
