Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
