I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
