Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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