meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
