1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
