He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
