i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize