If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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