her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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