maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina is officially offended.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
