a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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