we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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