her facebook's as public as her vagina
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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