yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
