i was born a porn star she said
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
