don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im holly from the hills drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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