When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize