i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
