Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
