So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
