i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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