literally had 100 drinks last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
