so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
