even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
