Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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