I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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