hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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