no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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