hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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