Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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