You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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