i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
