Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
