your thong is hanging out like whoa
Will you blow on my dice?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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