you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
