he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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