If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
