At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize