Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
