dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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