Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
