I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's the barista slut.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
