At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
