This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
