Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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