If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
