If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
