Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you would pick up someone in the library
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
