literally had 100 drinks last night.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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