Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
