I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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