look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
time to smoke my breakfast
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
