the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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