you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
