My first STD was from a foam party
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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