Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
