i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Can Purell be used as lube?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
