she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
