All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
