lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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