I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
