I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
