Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need moral support for this bender
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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