why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want to make out with him forever
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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