Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
