I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
