Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
