i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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