I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's rum buckets o'clock
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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