ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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