When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize